“Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won’t find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.”
I failed on this today. Majorly. Not on all accounts–my outfit was slamming, but on all the others… today was abysmal. I wasn’t agreeable, I screamed at my kiddos, I criticized my life choices, I found fault with my teaching, I tried to regulate a class of 24 screaming children. Today was a battle and I lost it. I am tired. I need to improve myself as a teacher and stop getting so frustrated with the students; It’s not their fault that their teacher is an awful classroom manager. If I was better at my job, they would be able to learn effectively in a safe environment. I just need to focus on how I can change me, because that will be my key to serenity.
I went to a meeting tonight, I so did not want to go. I felt sick, and the meeting was on the heels of a poor review from my UMSL professor. It’s like, I know, I’ve heard it from the MO state grant observation people, from my principal, from my MTLD, from my real time coach, from the other teachers, from the curriculum experts, from another woman who observed my class, heck even from my dad,— My classroom management sucks. At the very least I can be courteous and treat my students like human beings, they are not less than human just because they are tiny. I can continuously try to improve myself each day and not find fault with how I’m teaching, instead find growth opportunities and seize them.