I feel like a wuss. Like I’m weak. The amount that I want to quit is overwhelming. I just keep reminding myself the just for today, quitting is not an option.
Ms. D reminds me daily, “If we were quitters we’d quit, but thank God we are not quitters.” She provides me mental sanity and spiritual peace. I am so grateful she is there. She often states that this is a battle between good and evil, and that good always comes out on top.
I discovered today that 45% of Teach for America corps members placed at my elementary school have either been fired or quit. This is opposed to the about 10% of corps members who drop out nationally. My school is a really difficult working environment.
I never ceased to be amazed at the kindness of others. God sends people in to help you when you need it the most. I was definitely on the verge of raising that 45% statistic yesterday, and I reached out. Told as many people as would listen, asked for help. Ms. P, Ms. D, and Ms. R all came to help me today. A teacher I met in my 12 step group offered to come help in my classroom. She spent the whole day helping me today. Also, three 6th graders asked me if they could help out in my class, they came and graded my kids tests and helped them with simple math problems. God really sent in the troops today.
The biggest miracle: My kids finally understand the “make a ten” strategy to add. If nothing else, they learned that.
My MTLD (Manager of Teacher Leadership Development) reminds me to look at the positives. My class might have one kid sitting at her desk, while everyone else is screaming and throwing things and she would say, “You did a really awesome job of getting that one kid to follow direction.” She is also extremely insightful and helpful in finding the things that are ineffectual and creating a plan to deal with them one thing at a time.
Though my school environment is a hot mess, I am really grateful I have the TFA community behind me. If it wasn’t for my roommates (who are corps members) and my MTLD I don’t think I’d still be showing up. There is definitely unity in shared experience and difficulties.
Here’s to gratitude, positivity, and learning. May I find a way to be grateful all through Black October…