Teaching in Kansas City, one day at a time.

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Sep 26 2013

From all sides

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m the first to admit that. I don’t know how to teach. I feel so impotent. I stand in front of the room and see my little second graders not getting the knowledge they deserve and it pains me. I want my kids to have an experienced teacher, but honestly, if I wasn’t there it doesn’t mean they’d have something better. Teachers don’t really want to come to this school. Ms. D gives me hope. I ask her what keeps her at this school for so long (she’s been here longer than anyone-15 years and counting) She says that she’ll stay until the Lord calls her to something else. I wish I had her faith.

I got called into a meeting with the Principal in which I was told that my behavior management was lacking– (I noticed). She is sending me to observe another teacher at another school. She also subtly mentioned that if I couldn’t get my shiz together, I might want to consider another career.

I offended another teacher today inadvertently, and got chewed out by another teacher.

I am a hot mess. I know that I’m not good at this, I just want some help so I can become good at this.

I am emotionally exhausted. I don’t what to do this anymore. I’m in a 12 step group and my sponsor is recommending that I consider leaving, she is worried about me relapsing. I both want to take care of my health and take care of my kids, and I don’t know how to do that.

I promised my kiddos I wouldn’t leave them. I don’t break my promises.

 

THIS IS HARD, but so is everything worthwhile.

I really hope I can help in some way.

 

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Teaching for the first time… praying we all get out alive


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